One of the most common things I see in couples therapy is flooding, a Gottman concept that describes what happens when we become emotionally overwhelmed during conflict. The heart races, the body tenses, and even though we want to stay connected, our system moves into fight, flight, or freeze mode. In those moments, logic and communication skills often disappear, and both partners can feel stuck in defensiveness or shutdown.

Recognizing flooding and learning how to manage it can completely change the way partners handle conflict. When couples understand what’s happening inside their nervous systems, they can begin to respond rather than react, take space when needed, and come back to each other with more calm and empathy.